i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
