meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
