At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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