Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize