we have pet lesbian snakes
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
