You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
