I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize