you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
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