I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
