Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
