yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
