I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I need help removing her.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Bring me that man meat
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
