My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
