Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
