you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize