tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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