Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Its about making memories worth repressing
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
