How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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