Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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