is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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