I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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