I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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