Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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