cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
