Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
