My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
