How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize