Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
