Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
