How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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