Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
