Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Pants are for mortals
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
