yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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