Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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