do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
