i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
