1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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