I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
