Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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