So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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