Got a toothbrush?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
