What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize