had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
