I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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