My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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