i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
