he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
it's great music for shaving your balls
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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