I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
