He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
