If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
