The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
