I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
