You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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