so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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