Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just google imaged poop.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
