I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
