You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
