winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
