I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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