East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
