If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
