i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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