Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
