U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
