Did I show you my penis last night?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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