Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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