Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize