I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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