I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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