Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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