giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
