The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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