I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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