like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
