I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
