If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize