definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
