Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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