Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
