I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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