dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
