I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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