I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
