That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We're using joints as your birthday candles
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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