I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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