I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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