Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You did what with his pubic hair?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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