Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
