its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize