I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
