and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
